Thirties Are a Tease
It was in my thirties that the sand castles I had built my entire life crumbled.
Started in my twenties with the sudden passing of my dad, when I was 21.
My whole universe just made no sense anymore.
He ate healthy and was fit, and still passed away suddenly.
He was the best dad ever, and somehow I wasn’t meant to have him past my final year of college?
It felt so unfair.
I had a lot of anger.
I had followed every rule.
Life was supposed to be smooth.
And then it became anything but.
I knew my paradigms were shifting, but it was spiritually too much to handle, so I lived in denial much of the time. There was a lot of distraction, a lot of confusion, a lot of unhealthy coping.
Then there was the back injury in my late twenties. That tore down even more sand castles. It wasn’t my first injury, but it really put me out of commission. My exercise routine came to a resounding halt and I had to stop teaching yoga and Pilates. I think the hardest part was losing dancing—so emotionally as well as physically cathartic. I ended up making a lot of innovative arm movements to compensate for the sensitivity and lack of range of motion in my hips and back. Not to mention, the foot injury that came 6 months after my back injury.
It was a difficult period to say the least. And boy did it get drawn out. My mindset was heavily a victim one—for my physical incapabilities, for the pain, as well as it reawakened and reinforced my anger at the universe over losing my father. Another major blow to the ego from what felt like an uncaring universe.
Other paradigm shifts have occurred since the ending of my marriage as well as the experience of single motherhood.
Thankfully, these paradigm shifts have been more positive, since I have been deepening as well as reshaping my perspective on how the world works and what my priorities and values are, with the help of supportive literature and meetings with people who have experienced related things and learned from them toward their own personal and spiritual growth.
Do you have a time/instance in your life that jolted you out of a comfort zone/mindset?
Has the change been more gradual?
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Your story personally resonated with me and is extremely profound. Thank you for sharing your journey with us all.