Building on Shared Beliefs
On Coexistence and Interdependence
This Yom Kippur had a lot of ideas highlighted on coexistence and interdependence.
Things that were discussed included:
1-We may feel an illusion of control when we are acting from anger, but it’s important not to skip over the underlying grief/heartbreak. When we face the grief/heartbreak, what comes up for us?
I’ve written about facing grief recently and many times in the past. This really struck me as a good reminder to be with heartbreak/pain/grief. To just sit with it, experience it. Instead of sitting in anger/frustration and trying to change something.
I had multiple things come up this past week and other times that really irked me.
When I have acted on that irksomeness, anger, been driven in my reaction by that emotion, as much as I wanted to get my way—I did not.
This can show up in small ways or big ways. It comes up a lot in 12-step work. Noticing my habitual judgments, reactions, responses—trying to make more conscious ones which better serve my mental and physical health as well as increase the likelihood of a better outcome.
2-Finding the common ground in our beliefs/philosophies
Certain ideological arguments can actually have similarities in their deeper layers. Using the imagery of a tree: The branches (the individual arguments) may differ, but the trunk may be the same.
3-We can choose to live a different way than we grew up, and still empathize with those who continue to live a life more in line with our upbringing
The story of two rabbis, one who became the famous heretic, Alisha ben Avuya. The other, Rabbi Meir. How Rabbi Meir would continue to learn Torah from Alisha ben Avuya, his teacher, even after Alisha ben Avuya became a heretic, because he still believed he had what to learn from him. And how Alisha ben Avuya notified Rabbi Meir when they were approaching the farthest point they could travel on Shabbat, since he knew Rabbi Meir cared to follow this halacha (Jewish law). In that story, Rabbi Meir was walking behind Alisha ben Avuya who was riding a horse (not technically permissible on Shabbat).
4-How imagination can be more effective than intellect
Did you know Rabbi Nachman of Breslev died of Tuberculosis at age 38?
I did not.
Apparently it was only in the couple final years of his life that he told stories versus teaching more of the letter of the law, etc. He reflected on how when you try to grasp something in its entirety intellectually it is not only not possible, but not as effective. And when you capture a truth within a story, it hits home better.
I’ve noticed this in the way that creative and/or comedic videos have been made to make a point in the defense of Israel. The ones who come from a sense of irony/comedy/art, seem to make truths more palatable for others to open up to.
5-Interdependence is made possible with the presence of Passionate Pluralists and Humble Absolutists
Many times those supporting a more inclusive, pluralistic approach may be outnumbered and out-expressed by those with louder, more forceful voices who are resolute in their opinions. When people are more outward in their holding space for multiple viewpoints, and those with strong positions have humility, there is more possibility for discussion and interconnectedness.
6-We need not judge others for their inability to understand our situation
If someone experiences trauma and in place of empathy and understanding from others, they find invalidation and gaslighting, that is not due to that person’s detriment, but rather to the others’ lack of a trauma-informed lens. They cannot hold space since they do not understand the situation, nor do they seek to understand it—out of the fear it triggers or simply because they themselves haven’t needed to.
7-Better to focus on building one’s vision than on responding to the haters
This builds (pun intended) on the above idea that we have a lot in common (e.g. shared humanity, underlying beliefs) and we can build on what our shared vision is.
We can stay focused on our vision, with empathy, without getting sidetracked by those who doubt/attack us. Focus on continuing to forge ahead and build our vision. Because that is what we know, what we are here to do. Those that find themselves attracted to it, can come and check it out!
And it’s best to not use superficial labels to create division, since underlying these labels may actually be beliefs we have in common with each other. If there is sincere openness, acceptance, and willingness to learn more about our cause, there is no reason to turn someone away because they identify with a label that indicates their separateness. In addition to the underlying commonalities that may be there, people also use labels differently, so we best not take them at face value.
Also—we have limited energy! If we spend time addressing the doubters, the haters, that is time/energy not spent on building our vision.
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